Chasing Experiences

Since I was a teenager, I’ve always found myself chasing contentment. I don’t think I’d ever felt totally content with who I was as a person. I constantly wanted a better job, a nicer car, a more expensive wardrobe for people to know I’ve made it.

In the last few years, I’ve seen situations that have made me take a pause and really consider what’s truly important in this life. I’ve been a hospice nurse for 5 years and have watched many people, young and old, on their death beds. The most recent patient I admitted to hospice was a 42-year-old woman with breast cancer. Something inside me changed when she looked up at me and asked, “how long do I have?”. I was used to admitting elderly patients who had lived their lives so this affected me differently. I knew she had days to live, maybe weeks with the amount of oxygen she was requiring and the extent of the cancer. I worked closely with her sister and considered her a good friend. From our conversations, I gathered that this patient never thought this was going to happen to her. I looked her in the eyes, told her to call her adult son and spend as much time with him as he will allow. To spend time with everyone close to her. She cried for seconds only and was accepting of her short prognosis. I admired her courage.

I have a great friend whose 38-year-old son went into cardiac arrest one night while reading a book to his children on their couch. I’ve watched her struggle and have listened to the stories about his progress, or lack thereof, after being in the hospital for months. He was young and healthy, no significant medical history. He and his devoted life were just getting started. His future is so uncertain right now.

I also have a co-worker whose husband died before age 40 from a very rare and aggressive cancer. I listened to her talk about how in love they were and how shocking the diagnosis was. She was a nurse, researched this cancer in depth and knew the prognosis but still couldn’t accept it until she saw how much he was hurting in the end. She mentioned that he was very responsible with their money and they always talked about “one day we’ll do this and that, we have plenty of time”. His biggest regret was waiting to really live his life.

Another co-worker’s 20-year-old son decided to end his life suddenly and I’ve watched her devastating grief on social media daily.

Life could change in an instant. Literally.

We live our lives caring too much about what society thinks of us. Who cares?

After past personal experiences and witnessing the fragility of life, I don’t care anymore about what car I drive or what my house looks like. I wear what I want because I like how I feel in it. I want to continue my self-discovery journey and only do what I truly love. I’ve made the choice to stop chasing contentment because I already have it. I look forward to chasing experiences that enrich my life and show me all of God’s creations. Won’t you join me?