Chasing Experiences

I love life. 100 % infatuated with it and let me tell ya why.

I’m not sure if you realize this, but life is temporary. Yeah, this truth bomb SUUUUCKS. But unfortunately, it’s a fact that will always be a fact no matter how much we will it not to be.  

I guess I could say life has not always been easy for me. I had a child at the age of 20 when I still felt like a child myself (because I was). My twenties consisted of either relationships that dominated my self-esteem and self-worth or single parenthood on a very low income that had me struggling to make ends meet.  It was rough getting myself through school and there were many times I thought about giving into the thought that I was not capable of obtaining a successful career, relationship or just overall happiness. It took over ten years, but I was able to knock down the cards stacked against me and finally obtained my Associate of Science degree before going back to finish my Bachelor of Science in nursing degree a year later (thank you, Army National Guard). Things didn’t get easier quickly, in fact it took quite a while to get into a comfortable place financially and mentally. But my perspective on life started to change shortly after my career in nursing began.

I used to be terrified of death. So scared that I would wake in the middle of the night in a panic over the fact that one day I will no longer exist. The concept was so overwhelming to me.

I’m not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to go into the health care field or join the military. Seriously, why did I pick a job where I constantly see what can go wrong with the human body when I was so afraid of death?

And why did I sign up for a job that could take me to hostile environments where death could happen much sooner than expected?

But I knew I wanted to be a nurse since I was a little girl and it’s been the best thing for my fears. Believe it or not, working as a hospice nurse helped even more.

I didn’t always want to be a soldier, but I thought the military was necessary to pay for school. I’m glad I did join because my deployment to Afghanistan was a life changer.

Nursing

I’ve had many conversations with patients who knew they only had a short time left on this earth. Some of them were older and had lived a long life, ready for what was coming next. Others were younger and scared of the unknown.

There’s something special about observing other people’s experiences during their final days/weeks. I’ve watched people go from walking and joking around to being completely bedridden and nonverbal. I’ve met people who have made the decision that they are done fighting and decide to discontinue life-saving treatments while being completely aware that they would only have days or weeks left without it. I’ve watched cancer completely cripple the young and healthy. Watching these people, I feel like I’ve been let in on a secret that most of the population doesn’t know. Life is fleeting. It is sooooo incredibly short.

Everyday issues are not always true problems.

Living cells that decide to mutate and attack the body is a problem. Slowly forgetting your loved ones and how to perform simple tasks is a problem. Lying on a bed in pain, struggling to breathe is a problem. A co-worker calling into work is not a problem. People gossiping about you is not a problem (it’s actually a compliment-let the haters hate!). Being looked over for a promotion is also not a problem. I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

No matter the age or the cause, one day we will all be there. I promise you that none of the patients I took care of communicated that they should have worked harder to have more “things”, that they wished they had watched more tv shows or they should have been more embarrassed about that mistake made long ago. Nope, nuh-uh. They are usually regretful of broken relationships, a lack of new experiences or even just forgetting to stop and enjoy the small things in life like the smell of freshly cut grass or spending a few extra minutes laughing with family.

Do you want to look back and wonder what you could have done differently? I know I don’t.

SOldiering

Did you know women in Afghanistan and other Middle Eastern countries have no rights? Zero, zilch, nada. American soldiers spent longer than 10 years there and over time the civilians were slowly given more freedoms. Before I deployed, I didn’t know how much they loved us there but I quickly learned after my first convoy when they smiled and waved happily at our moving vehicles. Obviously, there were people in the country who did NOT like us and it is because of them that I thought my life could possibly end at any second there. You don’t know fear until you’re at the back of a military convoy in hostile territory driving a 2,500 gallon HEMTT fueler with a big flammable sign on the side of it and you hear over the radio “IED! IED! IED!” (IED stands for Improvised Explosive Device and it is what we are trained to say when one is spotted or detonated nearby). I slammed the gas pedal to the floor and never have I ever prayed so hard to God to see my little boy again. Life changer.

Thankfully I did make it home safely and in one piece. As we all know, the rest of the American presence there eventually came to an end. Freedom is now just a dream to those civilians again. Afghan women can’t walk outside without being accompanied by a man. They are no longer allowed to attend school. Women that held positions in political offices had to flee or go in to hiding due to the fear of what the Taliban would do to them. People died trying to cling on to the wheels of the US military planes flying out of the country. Could you imagine being that desperate to leave your home???? Dang, we are so lucky to live here. I’m extremely grateful that I don’t have to worry about someone kicking my door down to punish me for being “too free”. The only planes that I plan on jumping on to leave this country will be commercial flights for traveling to distant places for leisure because I’m lucky enough to do so.

L * I *V * E   YOUR   L * I * F * E

These experiences are part of why I wake up every day and I make the choice to be happy. I emphasize the word choice, because that is what it is. A choice made every single day. I do my best to find the good in every situation I’m in.  

I don’t grumble about the fact that I have to wake up at 5 am for work. I thank God that I have a job and I’m healthy enough to get to it daily. Not to mention, I was allowed to attend college and obtain the job that fulfills my soul!

Another relationship doesn’t work out? That’s okay, it wasn’t meant for me because something better is going to come along. I wasted too much time on worrying about grown men and what their opinion was of me as a partner. Besides, I’m rocking this single mom thing. My son may not be passing the 9^th grade but he has a kind heart and a great sense of humor! Haha, but really- he has ADHD and is actually a very intelligent kid so please don’t judge me. But if you do, that’s your problem- not mine😉

Exercise! I force myself to get to the gym routinely because I know that physical health plays a huge role in my mental well-being. I’m a nurse so you have to take me seriously when I stress the importance of this. Thank you and you’re welcome.

My son and I have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, full bellies and bills paid. We are rich because of this. If I’m lucky enough to receive more than what covers the necessities, you better believe I’m going to spend it on new experiences!

I don’t mind if I’m called dumb or irresponsible. I don’t care what you or anyone else thinks and that’s the real secret to happiness. I’m attempting to live every day like it’s my last and so should you.

Yes, there will be hardships and tribulations. This is the inevitable part of life. But you can control the way you react to these situations and most will make you a stronger person if you allow it. Be proud of resilience, it’s a rare and awesome quality!

Don’t save happiness for later. Try changing your outlook on what you perceive as problems. Be happy today and fall in love with life. It’s a pretty amazing relationship to have, I promise!

If I could sit in a tree with life and kiss it all day, I absolutely would 😊