Chasing Experiences

Who invented dating apps? Like finding someone in person to date isn’t hard enough. Let’s just go ahead and put endless amounts of options in front of an already superficial society. Yeah, good idea. Not.

I’m aware that some people have had luck in finding their long-time partners on a website but it’s definitely not the norm. If you’re a Sex and the City fan like I am, you’ve probably seen the episode with the girls talking in the bathroom about guys and cab lights. Charlotte believes she’s met “Mr. Right” after dating him only a couple of weeks and Miranda tells her she was just lucky because she found him while his “light was turned on”. She compares single men to NYC cabs- they’re driving through life with their available light turned off because they aren’t ready to commit to someone. She then explains that it’s only luck if/when you happen upon a man with his light on because he’s made the decision that he’s ready to take someone on and will marry the first woman he likes. It makes sense when you think of it that way. And it can go both ways, women can be driving with the light turned off too. I believe the people who have found each other on websites or apps both had their lights shining bright and were actually intentional about dating when they joined.

Unfortunately, most people on dating apps aren’t intentional at all. They are usually completely fine with swiping left for small reasons like an uninteresting background or because they weren’t attracted instantly by the first picture. I can say I’m guilty of this. Which is why I hate it. I don’t like feeling like I’m judging everyone by their looks when I know perfectly well that I might like the guy if I got to know him in person. I may have swiped left on my future husband plenty of times…who knows? Or he may have swiped left on me. I mean, I know I’m a great catch but how do they know that when they have thousands of other women to choose from and vice versa? It usually takes a split second to decide which way to swipe. And let’s be honest, you’re not swiping right if you don’t find the person externally attractive. They can say all the right things in their bio/profile and have all the same interests as you but if there’s a blemish on the face or the lashes aren’t long enough- on to the next.  How superficial can we get?

My experience on dating sites include lots of polite conversations that go nowhere and dates with guys who obviously just want to hook up or they just don’t seem interested. And who the hell still ghosts people in their later adult years?? So rude.

Dating apps are terrible for the self esteem unless you are what society says is attractive and you’re just looking for hook ups, a good night out or validation. I don’t recommend it.

Single peeps, maybe we should try to meet future dates in other ways. Why don’t we start by getting our heads out of our phones? The person of your dreams could be in the same room but you’re too caught up with the invisible people in your phone that you miss the chance meeting. Smile at the cute guy walking his dog on the same trail you’re running on, let him know you’re interested. Go for a coffee with a coworker that you want to know more about. Wear confidence like you wear your best smelling perfume and meet people in person! I’ll try to follow my own advice here…

Be intentional. Don’t compare. Really get to know someone before deciding you don’t like them that way. Stop thinking you could probably find someone better if you keep looking. Give the person a real chance before moving to the next. Stop being so superficial. Everyone has flaws, including you. And for the love of God…. never, never, never ghost another person. So rude.